Book Description:
For any healthy individual or couple experiencing a difficult, problematic or less than enjoyable loving relationship in today’s crazy world (and who hasn’t?) – this book is perfect for you. The primary focus is on mutual ("us", "we", and "me and you") issues pertinent to loving relationships – the couple and their relationship. Using case vignettes from the authors’ clinical experiences as psychologists, the first 14 chapters address the loving relationship topics of Love, Loving, Our Pasts, Relationship Analysis, Congruence and Balance, Outside Factors and Features, Other People, Needs and Wants, Expectations and Dependence, Boundaries and Control, Lifestyles, Monetary and Equity Issues, and Problems, and Relationship Skills. The last three address where to look for more help when serious situations arise: Seeing a Professional Counselor, Therapist or Family Mediator, How a Professional Counselor or Therapist Can be Helpful to You, and Some Suggestions About Getting Help from a Professional. The book is very reader-friendly, simplistic, solution-focused and down to earth, and also includes 39 Figures from their case files that graphically display the issues and helpful recommendations.

The book’s authors, with many years of experience as psychologists, professors and scholars, conceptualize loving relationships and improving them as representing developmental processes that are best seen as a kind of ongoing and ever-evolving "dance" between two individuals – relationships are not events! Reading this book will contribute to, enrich and enhance any individual’s or couple’s developmental processes- and especially themselves and their relationship.

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Table of Contents:
Prologue: The Road Ahead

Acknowledements

Prologue

Chapter 1. Love
Types of love
This is your Brain on Love
Differences Between Love and...
Don’t Confuse Love with...
Love Triangle
Unconditional Love

Chapter 2. Loving
Being Loved and Feeling Loved
Loving Roles We Play
A Triple-A Rating
My Need to Feel Special
The Little Child Within Us
Little Things Mean a Lot
Forgetting and Forgiving

Chapter 3. Our Pasts
Your Individual Pasts
Your Relationship’s Past, Present and Future
The Interaction Effect of Your Pasts
Dysfunctional Relationships and Living Parallel Lives
Recycling Ones Abusive Relationship History

Chapter 4. Relationship Analysis
A Best Indication
Signs of Decay
Our Relationship
Questions We Ask Ourselves
Targets of Our Attention
Situational Issues and Relationship Issues
Characteristics of an Ideal Relationship
Good and Bad Times
Capacities and Potentials
What You Want and What He/She Needs
Understanding Your Dance
Relationship Potentials
Questions to Ask
Nurse-Patient Relationships
The Lightning Rod in a Relationship
Levels of a Relationship
The Pieces of My Life You Want

Chapter 5. Congruence and Balance
The A, B, C’s of Loving Relationships
Linkages: Feelings, Thoughts and Actions
Balance
New Experiences – Old Feelings
What I Want You to See
Think it, Feel it, and Do it

Chapter 6. Outside Factors and Features
Primary-Immediate Family
Blended Families
Children
Distance
A Disability
Other Outside Factors

Chapter 7. Other People
A Third Person in a Two-Seater
The Transition Person
The Affair Person
The Maintenance Person

Chapter 8. Needs and Wants
Differences Between Needs and Wants
Meeting My Needs and Wants
Matching Our Roles with Our Needs
Similar Wants and Needs
In or Outside the Relationship
Over-Estimating our Expectations of Each Other
Limited Assumptions
Logical Consequences

Chapter 9. Expectations and Dependence
What are Your Expectations
Let Others Know What You Expect
Social Sanctioning
Co-, In-, and Inter-Dependence

Chapter 10. Boundaries and Control
Values: Foundations for Boundaries
Negotiating Boundaries and Limits
Only One "Should"
Functional and Dysfunctional Controls
Active and Passive Control
Perceived Control
Internal and External Control

Chapter 11. Lifestyles
Individual Lifestyles and Relationship Lifestyles
Functional and Dysfunctional Lifestyles
Control Your Relationship Lifestyles
Communication Styles
Living a Lie

Chapter 12. Monetary and Equity Issues
Money
Values and Attitudes
Worth and Meaning
Equitable Equity

Chapter 13. Problems
Solvable Problems
Unsolvable Problems
Making Problems Less Problematic
Gridlock
Abuse
Separation
Fighting Well

Chapter 14. Relationship Skills
Establishing, Maintaining and Ending Skills
Empathy (Listening) Skills
Importance of Coping Skills

Chapter 15. Seeing a Professional Counselor, Therapist
or Family Mediator
Seeking Professional Help
What Are Your Goals
One Therapist, One Client
Wants and Willingnesses
Willingness to Work
Be Your Best to Give Your Best
Real versus Social Recovery
What are My/Our Options?

Chapter 16. How a Professional Counselor or Therapist Can be Helpful to You
Responsibility: Cause, Cure, Past, Future
Appreciation and Understanding
I Could Do – You Could Do
Analyze the Love in Your Relationship
Structure Your Schedule, Including Time for Psychological Vacations
Mediation as an Alternative to Counseling and Therapy
Benefits of Support Groups

Chapter 17. Some Suggestions About Getting Help from a Professional
We Help You Help Yourself
Avoid Quick-Fix Temptations
Avoid Subconscious Sabotage
The Paralysis of Analysis
Stay Focused on the Present
Stages of Change Efforts
Progress May Be Slow and Gradual
Realistic Expectations: Behavior and Emotions
Don’t Expect Immediate Results
The Downside of an Upswing
When to Come Back

Epilogue: Reflections and Door Knob Issues

List of Figures

About the Authors

Index